In today's New York Post, I saw
this article describing the acrimonious departure of a female cook from one of Jean-Georges' restaurants. The cook recently filed a sexual harassment lawsuit, and as in all such cases these days, the defendant "went so far as to text her a picture of his manhood." At the risk of accusations that I think about this topic frequently, I am totally confounded by the picture-messaging of manhood becoming a rapidly growing trend (at least in professional sports). Just in the past year,
Brett Favre,
Martellus Bennett and
Greg Oden, among others, have all been accused.
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| They should call them Wang-ler jeans. |
What the hell? Whatever happened to calling/texting a girl? Why do people engage in this nonsense? Who even enjoys it (other than
this guy)? Let's assume that your target girl is head-over-heels obsessed with you. What exactly do you gain by sending a cell phone shot of your unit to her? It's not like her cell phone shapeshifts into your dong when she opens up the picture, so the chances that she'll enjoy it are minimal. Thus, let's assume the other possible scenario that the girl is NOT head-over-heels obsessed with you. No matter how well-equipped you are, at least one of these outcomes will befall your dong photo: 1) topic of ridicule among her friends/coworkers, 2) topic of ridicule among your friends/coworkers, 3) police evidence. There are no winners in autophallography.
So what do dongs have to do with Excel, you ask? Nothing, unless you use your dong to type. But I recently experienced the Excel equivalent of receiving a CPDS ("cell phone dong shot"), which was a reader sending in a photo of keyboard shortcuts taped to their cubicle. Why do I even bother to make the comparison? Like I said, the CPDS doesn't help the girl because the phone isn't morphing into a penis. Likewise, keyboard shortcuts on the page aren't typing themselves out for you. In order to get any benefit from shortcuts, you must have full, immediate access to them.
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| =IF(dongshot=1,0,1) |
This is the end of the entry, and you've learned nothing meaningful about Excel. The next post will be overly bland and information-filled to compensate.
-F-One
